MOOSE’S GUIDE TO GAY WEDDING MUSIC

11 05 2011

(that's us but we're not married)

Just a decade ago, gay weddings seemed to be nothing more than an ordained lesbian friend officiating a spiritual ceremony for a few friends and your dog. Now, with many states legalizing and Illinois making baby steps, the fancy invites are rolling in and weekends are getting booked with gay weddings rivaling the spectacle of their hetero counterparts. Now I, at one time DJed weddings back in college, some bad, some good, some country, and I always stuck with a few rules and songs I refused to play out of principle. Flash forward 20ish years and it may be time to update that list.

No Play Zone:

  • Celebration by Kool & The Gang (replace with Madonna’s Celebrate). Nothing is more embarrassing than 15 African American men with no funk (also see later Commodores). This turd of a song was cute for a hot minute with it’s “Wa-Hoo!” chorus, but years and Cubs games have passed and its more cringe worthy than dance worthy.
  • Love Shack by B-52’s: Just have the DJ sample “Tin Roof, Rusted!” a 100 times. That’s all they’re waiting for anyway.  Or try the equally campy Groove Is In the Heart by Deeelite.  Diiig!!
  • Electric Slide or Cha Cha Slide (replace with any party rap track like Soulja Boy): Two great examples of bad funk for dumb white people.  Don’t do it, you’ll embarrass yourself. While Soulja Boy’s Crank Dat is equally terrible, at least its current. We’ll add it to the list in 10 more years.
  • We Are Family by Sister Sledge (replace with Family Affair by MJ Blige). No reason, Mary J just says Crunk like 100 times. Mix into her version of 50 Cent’s In Da Club.
  • The mother of all cliché’s YMCA by the Village People. These queens couldn’t be out at the time so straight folks, of course, loved them.  Replace with anything fun by OUT artists: Junior Senior, Elton, Ru, Jonny McGovern, or the late great Sylvester!  Do U Wanna Funk? Yes, but let’s do it right!  It’s OUR turn to create wedding cliché’s. Bring on the Gaga!
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